A Moment of Clarity?
Because if you ask me, there's a Jay-Z lyric for everything!
Can I be honest with you girlies (gender neutral) for a sec? I haven’t always been the most confident in myself, especially as it relates to my career. I know, I know. It’s hard to believe that me in all of my bold, Leo craziness felt anything other than utterly obsessed with myself. Don’t roll your eyes too hard because it’s true.
In my mind, I’ve always been either too old, too Black or too inexperienced (despite having a 13-year career). To all the people that “mattered,” I’ve never had enough of the right thing. This perception of how other people perceived me impacted the way I showed up as a writer IRL and on social media. For so long, I preferred to live behind the scenes, doing just enough to keep my head above the water but never enough to land too many eyes.
Over the past year, I somehow convinced myself that I’d entered my flop era — and boy was I sulking. It began to weigh on my spirit something awful and it showed up in the work I did, the way I carried myself and overall how I existed in the world… until I had the ultimate moment of clarity. Somebody queue up Jay-Z’s Black Album!
Earlier this week, I was ranting on a FaceTime call with my sister and our liddle God brother about how forgotten I’d felt. Rejection email after rejection email filled my inbox. I’d applied to roles that I was beyond qualified for and just like the ones my resume fit, I hadn’t received a single follow up. It was always “We’re so sorry to inform you but…” and “We’ve filled the role with someone who aligns with our needs,” never “We’d like to move on to next steps.”
Things had gotten so bad that on a whim, I started taking a certification course on Coursera. I even applied to graduate school. I figured, if my career isn’t progressing the way I’d like, maybe acquiring new skills or going back to school could help me find a new way to pivot. Those seemingly small actions turned out to be the spark that lit an undeniable series of events.
A few days after the FaceTime, I opened my email and saw that there was a decision about my application available and instantly I was shook to my core. I just knew that like all these employers, this school was about to reject me, and boy was I wrong. Not only did I get accepted in grad school, but I’d been selected to receive a scholarship to cover my tuition and fees. Can I please get a praise break? As if that wasn’t enough to make me break out into the ugliest cry I could muster, I got a follow up email to a job that I’d applied to.
After years of uncertainty, things began to shift. If there’s one thing life has shown me, it’s that things happen at the exact moments they’re meant to and once again, that snatched me by my already see-through edges. I swear my Sassy (my late grandmother) ‘nem ain’t tell a single lie when they said you can’t beat God’s timing.
I’m not sure of what the future holds, but one thing I know for certain is that as long as I’m working, things will work out in my favor. Ever so often I have these moments of clarity that really do help me believe that everything is truly working out for my good. I hope this confidence boost leaves a lasting impression and gives me the power to push through even if I’m on the receiving end of another flop era. Even more? I hope that this serves as inspiration for you to keep going until you have a similar breakthrough.
Until next time, besties!
